Yamaha: You Held Your Skirt Down Too Long …
October 6, 2016

Making an entrance is really important to me.  I like to time things just right.

I was always taught, be the last to enter the room and the first to leave.  That is how you capture attention.  It is rule 1 for me when attending any kind of social function.  Timing is everything.  Keep everyone waiting for your arrival.  Then elegantly have them all watch you leave.  Pure class.

It can so easily go wrong though.  If you turn up too late?  Everyone is drunk and chatting to people who got it right and no one really cares about you.  If you are going to be that late, you’ll need something like a Lady Gaga Meat Dress for people to notice you, or to turn up with Brad Pitt on your arm.

This same rule applies to product launches.  And this week, I believe Yamaha have made a little faux pas.

I am a huge Yamaha fan.  Andrew owns an R1 and it is one of the most beautiful bikes I have ever seen.  The R1 took me round the IOM TT circuit. I have spent days watching him meticulously polish his chain, upgrade his exhaust system, fiddle with his gearing.  She gets more attention than I could wish for but then she also never moans, is always exciting and doesn’t look like she’s had a stroke when she wakes up in the morning.  I am now emotionally attached to the brand and as such, I don’t really look at other bikes with much sincerity.  It’s a little like being in a relationship.  I am brand loyal.  I’ve chosen the one.  A happy menage a trois of Andrew, R1 and me.

So, like thousands of others, I have been waiting desperately for the launch of the R6.  Fuelled by desperation to own his n hers bikes but not feeling ready to wedge 1000cc of R1 power between my delicate (fat) thighs.  There have been whispers of it for so long.  Finally Intermot arrives and it’s time.  It appeared by yesterday morning that Yamaha were going to get this so right.  Unveiling their beauty after Honda, Suzuxi and Kawasaki had lifted their skirts.

It’s worth pointing out here that Suzuki have offered up the GSX R1000R which didn’t float my boat at all.  I think the designers might have been drunk when they designed the exhaust pipe (of course, that said, which noteworthy biker doesn’t fling the manufacturer system off, with gay abandon, the moment they get home?). Kawasaki tickled my nipples a bit with the pretty new ZX10RR, I have a bit of an emotional link to Kawasaki as the first proper bike I ever went on was a 750 ZXR.  Old school cool.  Ducati got me really excited by unveiling a white, with hints of red, SupersportS on their stand.  But OH MY GOD and giddy aunt? Honda popped my vagina with the new CBR1000RR SP2, and the standard Fireblade.  I mean they really got me.  It truly is stunning.

Anyway … Yamaha.

I waited.


Nothing happened until a video was released which told us all that the R6 would be unveiled on the 13th.

Essentially what Yamaha have done, is make me stand here with my metaphorical willy in my hand to show me a teaser of the product they have been teasing me with for months.  What am I expected to do? Hang around like this? Flies undone until the 13th?  Ignoring the glorious Fireblade, which is already propping up the bar next to me, buying me drinks and telling me how fabulous my eyes are?

It better be a good bike.  Because whilst the R6 has been teasing me, I’ve started to fall in love with the Fireblade and I am quite loyal once I commit to something.  I’m not sure it’s fair to invest time into loving something, becoming attached to it, my adoration of its almost perfect lines growing, to then ditch it for another model a few weeks down the line.

Oh Yamaha.  This isn’t a good start.  It’s the same as me turning up to a party 3 hours late, your love drunk fans are going to need to see a product that is completely outstanding.  Truth be told? I am not entirely convinced the R6 is going to be.  If the front end is anything like the R1 then I am going to have to stick with the SP2, which has such incredible form.  I wonder how long Andrew would have waited for me, if on our first date another woman had turned up, funny, beautiful, on time.  I wonder if he would have even noticed me, after this other model helped relieve his initial disappointment, when I waltzed in with only half my make up on and cheap shoes?  Actually, I don’t wonder.  I’d have messed it up.

Luckily I wasn’t late on my first date (I was but I was clutching Louboutin’s and driving a Range Rover V8 Classic – see, outstanding entrance)

I know it shouldn’t come down to looks alone.  It’s just someone like me isn’t going to appreciate the subtle differences in power and ride between a Fireblade and an R1.  I’m not at that level of bike god.  I won’t do track days, I’ll stick to those in cars.  I don’t want to get my knee down on every corner.  I want to ride out with my gorgeous leather clad boyfriend on a bike that when I take off my helmet, shake down my long blonde hair and pout for attention, gives me none.  Because everyone is looking at my pride and joy.  Which with the Honda? They would be.

What will Andrew and I do?  Torn apart by our bike brands? Can an R1 fan and a Fireblade fan live together in harmony?  Could I convince him to come to the dark side and get a ‘blade?


Guess we’ll find out on the 13th of October (Which also happens to be Andrew and my anniversary)



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